dingos ate my baby damnit!!

I’ll start off this article by saying that my English skills aren’t exactly the best, yet thanks to the Internet, I very rarely see anybody who is able to match the dog-shit excuse for text that I mash out using the keyboard.

People ask me why they need to type correctly and just like Batman would, I jump in with an objective reason why people need to type properly. *POW* *WHAM* *ETC* *FFS*

For example, if you happen to be chatting to your boyfriend over MSN (or some other idiotic chat program) and for some ridiculous reason you decide to tell him that he's "sweet", but instead, because of your stupidly poor typing skills you fuck it up and type "sweat" instead?

"You are sweat, darling."

It’s really not as nice is it? It may have also cost you your boyfriend.

This is just one of many examples why typing correctly stops you looking like an arsehole. The so-called Internet/SMS chat used to replace perfectly good words with one or two letter alternatives is a fine example of how to bastardise the English language, a feat usually only successfully achieved by the Americans. No offence.

The argument I hear every single time is that spelling words like you’re a fucking gibbon saves so much time. In response to this, I constructed a table to show how many letters you can save for each word using a few I chose at random:

Is it really worth making that small saving of an average of 2.3 letters per word even though it makes you look like the degenerative, incestuous shit garglers* that you obviously are?

* Apparently ‘garglers’ isn’t even a real word, but I don’t care because you just have to gargle copious amounts of shit to have such poor typing skills

On the other hand, the word ‘plz’ (That’s idiot for “please”) doesn’t even have a ‘z’ in it anyway. What the fuck were you tossers thinking?
The extreme lack of typing skills even goes as far as some arseholes just spelling words down right incorrectly for the sheer hell of it, such as “Hey” isn’t spelt “Hai”, or generally putting a ‘y’ where an ‘i’ should be. What kind of shit gargling behaviour is that?

Grammar

Grammar, that thing where you add stuff like commas, apostrophes, etc that can seriously change the entire meaning of a sentence, plus having to read a really long sentence without any punctuation is really irritating because it just is and you know this is a really long sentence and if I was reading it I would have passed out by now. Just like that.

WhY TyPiNg LiKe ThIs ReAlLy IsNt FuCkIng ‘CoOl’

If you can give me an objective view on why pressing down the shift key for every other letter is cool, then I’ll eat shit. It doesn’t look ‘fucking dope, yo’ to me and it takes about three days to write a sentence.

Wr1t1ng l1ke th15 15 al5o not fuck1ng ‘c00l’

What part of reading, writing and mathematics did you not understand in School? Alia knows more beter than this an she can't even multiply 6 by 6!!! I’d have at least hoped that you’d grasped the fact that English and Mathematics are not interchangeable. Typing with numbers for letters is about as cool as shitting your pants at a disco for retards. *cough* tara*cough*

тнιѕ ιѕ ѕтяαιgнт υρ кσσℓ αѕ fυск

Here’s the next thing that pisses me off: Using a perfectly good set of letters from some language, in this case, Russian and trying to make a supposedly cool MSN name out of it. Great, so it took you three days to pick every letter out using the Windows ‘Character Map’ and all you’ve probably done is manage to say your name and possibly even some shitty quote from a song or another awful quote about ‘being happy no matter what’. People, the only cool Russian I know is ish (hi ish) so quit it and give up, she's the coolest.

Conclusion

The amount of time saved from typing words like a dumbass are obviously wasted by the insane amount of time spent typing sentences or MSN names using stupid alternating capital letters, numbers for letters and/or Russian alphabets.

I have to say that poor typing, spelling and grammar skills are the AIDS of the Internet. Apart from one other thing *cough*tara*cough* 

I also believe that there’s no way anybody can say I am wrong about this. When you have people typing like I have shown above, you realise that you’ve got many countries full of native English speakers (UK/US/etc) who can’t even write their own language properly.

Am i wrong?

IM NEVER WRONG!!!!!

lots of love

amita

Vegetarians, one of the sectors of society that needs to be loathed, but the reasons for being vegetarian vary in their degree of loathability.

They can be split into the following categories:

• Moral Reasons
• Health Reasons
• Preference

Moral Reasons

I spent a little time scouring the Internet in hope that I may become wise and realise that practising “Vegetarianism” might actually be a good idea, but after reading more bullshit than I could stomach, I finally stopped at this quote. This quote says how the human attitude towards pigs is somehow worse than what actually happens to them, do excuse the spelling, it’s in “American-English”:

“The most disheartening thing I saw was not what actually happens to them, but a lesson in human attitude. My neighbor and her little girl had stopped to talk to me.  She told me how much she and her daughter (age 5) loved the movie "Babe."  She was telling me that her little girl liked it so much, she was going to take her to see it again.  She then excused herself to go back in the house, as she was making her daughter a BLT sandwich and had just thrown the "bacon" (the B in BLT) on the grill.  I was at a loss.”

Now this is the obvious difference between enjoying a god damn film and enjoying a beautifully tasty slab of bacon, but “vegetarianism” with its lack of vital nutrients must lower the brains ability to function. I however, would personally eat my neighbours out of spite if they happened to be vegetarians.

This is one of my gripes about Vegetarians that should warrant them shutting the hell up as they can never seem to pull their heads out of their arses for long enough in order to make a rational thought process and then actually stick to it.

Health Reasons

Besides the moral reasons, many people turn into faggots because they want to lose weight or lower their cholesterol. Both of these ideas have more flaws than a lesson in College.

If you wish to lose weight, the lack of protein and other nutrients in your vegetarian diet would probably cause you to lose lean muscle mass, and as a result, you’d lose weight, and you’d probably end up looking not unlike that of Skeletor from He-Man.

If on the other hand you wished to lower your cholesterol, the amount of sugars in various vegetables by themselves can lead to having a higher cholesterol.

Basically, there are no health benefits from becoming a vegetarian.

Person Preference

This is probably the option I’m less likely to loathe, but still, you’re denying yourself the protein and other nutrients obtained from meat.

Vegetarians will admit that to get their RDA (Recommended Daily Allowance) of many of the vital nutrients, they have to take supplements, and I’m personally not surprised.

Statistics

Apparently, it takes 72 calories worth of fossil fuels to create 1 calorie of beef protein versus just 12 calories worth of fossil fuels to create 1 calorie of soy protein. An interesting statistic, one that is undeniably worthwhile in the right circumstances, but the reasons to keep eating beef, even though it’s using many more fossil fuels is the same reason I buy Coca Cola Coke instead of the Tesco brand; because it tastes a hell of a lot better.

To finish, I’d just like to say that Vegans are even worse and that they shall be abused in an article to be written at my discretion.

well im off to mc donalds

lots of love

amita

After a little research I can tell you that this assumption is indeed correct. We are actually just weeks away from the most finely tuned piece of bullshit I've ever seen next to Christianity itself. Fair play to whoever thought up that shit though.

Christmas fails to impress me to the point where I can honestly say that haven't even bothered to put up any decorations or a Christmas tree in my house for at least the last 5 years running.

Do I have some problem with Christmas? Yeah, it's not like I'm in it for the presents, I have no kids that I need to worry about (thank fuck for that) and I loathe the religion that Christmas was based around.

A merry christmas in my opinion is about as common as a shit-eating contest.

There are just so many bullshit elements to Christmas, it really is difficult to put them in any sensible order, but even so, nothing can be worse about Christmas than the exchange of presents.

The exchange of presents is the act of receiving some absolutely useless crap that you never asked for and that you'll never use with the shitty obligation to reciprocate the favour by giving them back something as equally useless.

It would be much easier if nobody bothered and just saved their cash. Fuck it, let's just cut the crap and go straight for the Christmas dinner. For your information, Christmas dinner just happens to be my silver lining in the shit-filled cloud that is Christmas Day

What is it about Christmas songs that go through me like a gunshot? As soon as I hear any of that bullshit, I realise that I'd rather lose the use of my ears  than have to put up with listening to them. Jingle Bells? Fuck that!!

Let's face it, Christmas is just a load of crap. Hell, even Jesus isn't impressed by that shit anymore:

I reckon everybody should just boycott Christmas and perhaps do something more interesting like reading the Dictionary, polishing your shoes or watching paint dry.

lots of love

amita